I have decided to write this blog outlining my annoyance towards the archetypal image of an 18th century pirate...
I will intersperse factual accounts with literary references to ensure that my arguement is adequetly well developed... Basically WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING SCARY?
They are severely disabled... Stevenson wrote Long John Silver with a wooden leg, Barrie wrote hook with a DAMN HOOK for a hand and notorious Arab pirate Rahman Ibn Jabir al - Jalahimah lost an eye in battle! Lets be serious now, if they were alive today they'd qualify for incapacity benefits.
Their physical impairments would no doubt serve as an immense disadvantage on land as well, especially when you consider the average human running speed (13 - 20 MPH) compared to the average running speed of a one legged cripple with a wooden stump (7mph MAX). In theory if we were to run for 24 hours at 13 mph and they were to hopelessly pursue us we could be well over 100 miles away from the mother fuckers! So no worries there :)
Next we've got the flaming beard phenomenom! It is well documented that the infamous Bristolian 'Blackbeard' would braid matches into his beard and set them alight in order to terrify his opponents! Formidable as that may sound, we have to consider the logistics ...
Actually . Forget this i'm hungry .
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